International Woman’s Day is a holiday that just occurred in March 8. This may come as news to the international bride seeker because this holiday isn’t celebrated in the West. It was typically celebrated in countries of the former Soviet Union in honor of the sacrifices that women have made for the home land. So the holiday carried some political significance when communists ruled the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe.
Nowadays, the holiday lost some of its political significance but Russian women, as well as other women in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union still treat this as a special holiday where men give them gifts and flowers. So as a bride seeker, you must remember this holiday. It’s likely that your woman has dropped you hints of the upcoming day in your correspondence with her.
You are expected to buy her a gift for this special day. Yes, you just celebrated Valentine’s Day with her, and yet, there’s also another female-centric holiday that you must celebrate less than a month away. It can drive you crazy. I know. But this is something that we men must do for love.
There are many flower and gift delivery services on the internet that you can use, so you can’t use distance or the language barrier as an excuse. If you are corresponding with a girl through a marriage agency then the agency can also help you arrange a gift delivery for her.
In the end, if you don’t give your Russian girls something on this day, or let it pass unremarked, then you are dead meat! It will put a damper on the relationship and she may think you aren’t serious. So send her some flowers at least, and make sure you send them in odd numbers (1,3,5,etc). I know that a dozen roses is considered a romantic gift in the West, but in Russia it is a bad omen. Flowers given in even numbers are reserved for funerals. This would be the only thing you should keep in mind when giving flowers to a Russian woman.
I had fallen off the grid over the Christmas and New Year holiday, so I’m just catching up to this news.
Season 2 of 90 Day Fiance on TLC introduced us to Danielle and Mohammed.
In my review of the season, I personally didn’t think this marriage would last. It was a nonstarter from the beginning. It wasn’t just the 15 year age difference. There was also the discrepancy in attractiveness. Mohammed is an 8 on a scale of 1-10 while Danielle is only a 2. This sounds crass, and we like to think that love can conquer all, but humans practice assortative mating. The 8’s will end up with other 8’s while 2’s end up with other 2’s. It could still work if there’s a point or two difference, but a 6 point difference is too much without compensating factors and Danielle didn’t have any. She was raising 4 children, can’t keep a job, and can’t keep the lights on in her apartment. She’s a mess.
Mohammed also avoided expressions of intimacy with Danielle, he didn’t even kiss her after vows were exchanged in the ceremony. When he consulted with an immigration attorney during one of the episodes, it was clear that he had mentally checked out of the relationship. There were also a lot of unexplained absences of Mohammed. Nobody knew this relationship would last, not even Danielle’s family.
So it’s no surprise that Danielle announced that she and Mohammed were divorcing. News of this spilt can be found here and here. This news came sooner than I expected. Mohammed is still on a conditional green card and if he were to legally stay in the US, he would have to prove that he had good intentions when marrying Danielle. Good luck with that. He can probably move elsewhere and remain in the country, but he would do so as an illegal alien.
This should be an object lesson to the reader. Choose wisely. We all have dreams of being with a hot girl and have her as your wife, but you have to be in the same league. This probably means that if you’re not very attractive, you should probably aim lower than an 8 for a foreign bride. You can still be happy and it will make for a more stable relationship.
Happy belated New Year! The holiday pressure is off and I’m trying to get back into writing. My Ukrainian girlfriend and I recently became engaged over the New Year holiday. We’ve been together for almost a year and we were sharing memories of our first meeting. She also wanted to tell me so many things about what she was feeling but her English isn’t good enough to do so. It made me think of translators.
My fiancé and I never used or hired one. She mastered enough basic English that our conversations flowed reasonably well. If we needed to express something complicated the google translate app worked reasonably well. I think we both knew that the this is the nature of international relationships–you don’t know each other’s languages very well. So you enter them already prepared for this fact.
My experience with translators was with the Mordinson Marriage Agency in Kharkov. Michael Mordinson, the owner, is very fluent in Russian and Ukrainian and was very helpful with translating letters and conversations during my first meetings with the girls at his agency. He would only translate for our first date and leave us alone for our second dates and so on. However, if the girls knew at least a little bit of English, he would leave us to ourselves at our first meeting.
Personally, I like Michael’s philosophy. Translators should just be used to facilitate meetings. Having a translator around constantly will make things awkward if you and your girl like each other enough to progress to multiple dates and then something more. You also don’t want to talk about anything too personal with a translator so it can end up stalling a budding relationship. At one point, you and your girl will have to learn how to communicate. The sooner that happens, the better.
You also want to learn how your girl copes with adversity. If she can’t speak or understand, does she get frustrated? Angry? Does she take it out on you? Or is does she go with the flow and try and figure it out with you? Is she patient? This can tell you a lot about a girl’s temperament and how well she can adjust if she moves abroad to be with you. This is good information to have when you decide on which girl to be with. In my experience, if a Russian girl likes you, she will try to communicate with you, so don’t get talked into relying a translator too much.
I’ve recommended readers to check out Olga Reznikova’s blog, Discover Ukrainebefore. In it she discusses customs and traditions in Ukraine that can help the foreign bride seeker navigate the dating customs in this area of the world. So it was already a good resource.
I turns out that she gets many questions about dating Ukrainian girls and marriage agencies and she decided to offer consultation services starting at $50. If Olga can spare you from being a victim of a scammer, bogus agency or green card girl, then I think $50 is well worth the investment. She can also investigate the legitimacy of agencies and help you arrange flower delivery. You can read more about the service in one of her recent posts.
The prospect of being able to get a more attractive and hotter girl from another country as your wife is what appeals to many foreign bride seekers. However, this could be a recipe for disappointment. You need a good idea of how beautiful a foreign bride you can get.
I know how this starts. Most men begin their search on-line. They are bombarded by profiles of women and photos of women in suggestive poses that wouldn’t give him the time of day in America under normal circumstances. Advertising strongly implies that these long-haired beauties are fed up with their local men and want to marry a foreign man. Your looks don’t matter! He’s skeptical but he signs up for free at one of the sights, creates a profile and uploads his photos. Responses start rolling in. Many of them are scammers but some are genuine. Even the genuine replies are coming from some pretty hot women.
This is much different from the daily grind of approaching women online or in public in America. He thinks he’s struck gold!
NOW STOP!
You know that new sense of euphoria that you’re getting from being a desired commodity? That’s what the average American woman feels between the ages of 15 and 35. She gets a ton of interest from the opposite sex and she feels she can pick and choose based on increasingly superficial criteria until at around 35 when she hits the wall and wonder where all the good men are. It’s because she was too picky. She was that kid in a candy store that passed over all the different types of candy until the store closed and now she’s stuck with nothing.
Don’t fall in this trap. Don’t think you can hold out or trade up to hotter and hotter women, because there are limits. It’s not that you’ll end up with nothing. The hotties will be more than happy to go out with you (for a price), but your goal should be a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. You aren’t the only guy looking abroad and she is going to pick a man that she thinks is suitable for her.
Humans often practice assortative mating. This is the tendency of an individual to mate with someone who has similar attributes to yourself. Colloquially this is described as dating within your league or ladder theory in some places on the internet. It’s not that humans make a conscious decision to do this. Many do aim out of their league to try to improve their lives but they are often rejected because their romantic interest is also trying to mate with the best that she can.
If most beautiful people are rated as a 10 on a scale of 1-10 that means they are in high demand and can be more selective. If they do make a choice, they will choose a 10 as well. The rest of us have to settle for lower on the scale, but not too low! What happens under this selection criteria is that the dating and marriage market tends to stratify. 10’s will pair off with 10’s. 5’s with 5’s and 2’s with 2’s.
This is idealized but you get the point. There is often couples that have a point or two difference. You can often see a 5 with a 7, because circumstances vary and change. Maybe one partner doesn’t realize his intrinsic attractiveness. Maybe they were well matched in the past but one partner let himself go. Maybe there was something quirky about him that turned off some women in his league but somebody else higher up found authentic and endearing.
But most people think that a difference of two between levels of attractiveness is the maximum. Anything more strains credibility. If you see a 4 with a 9, for example, then there has to be an overriding factor. Often it boils down to money. But there could also be self-esteem issues, or perhaps the marriage was arranged.
This is what you need to keep in mind to achieve the best outcome when searching for foreign brides. Be mindful of your own attractiveness when deciding who to contact. Your search will be a lot less expensive and frustrating and you’ll be better off for it.
This dose of realism isn’t bad news. You will certainly end up with a more beautiful wife than what you are capable of obtaining back at home. You are likely to score the full two points higher than you on attractiveness. The fact that you are from a more economically developed country is a plus. So if you are a 5 (average attractiveness), then you should be able to obtain a 7 easily. Most people consider 7’s to be attractive so you’re doing great for yourself. If you aim for a ten, you may get her, but people will suspect things like she only married you for the citizenship to your country. That’s assuming the relationship even lasted that long.
…Or more specifically, why are men seeking marriage abroad? Paul Joseph Watson of Infowars describes how fewer men than ever are refusing or avoiding marriage.
The gist of this ten minute video is that radical feminism and their media enablers have waged ongoing gender warfare against men with some anti-male values being enacted into law!
Actually, the reasons PJ Watson gives in the video mesh very well with why some American men wish to seek foreign brides. Many men may be avoiding marriage with American women, but some of us still desire marriage. Some of us want to be with a woman, we want to commit to a woman and have children with her. We desire marriage because it is the one thing besides our jobs that give us meaning in life.
If the lack of marriageable men is the social problem that many pundits see it as, then it might be worth asking men why they are avoiding the institution. Until then, men will do what they want.
A common question that bride seekers tend to ask is if they can expect to have sex with the foreign woman that they date overseas. The question doesn’t surprise me. Men consider sex to be of primary importance in their relationship. However, I also suspect that some men may think that other “traditional” cultures may have traditional views about sex (only in marriage), and therefore, he will have to spend much money, vacation time and effort to bring her to the US on a fiancé visa and marry her before he has a chance to have sex with her. I also think that men want to be assured that, after going through all this trouble, that a relationship can be consummated. There’s also the reality that men gauge a woman’s interest in him based on how willing she is to have sex with him.
I can answer with some confidence that you can expect to have sex with the girl that you are dating in Russia and other countries of the FSU. I can see exceptions in the case of devoutly religious women, but these exceptions are rare as far as I can tell. So I don’t think foreign bride seekers in this area of the world need to worry about a woman holding out on him if they really like each other.
Bear in mind that women in the FSU are aware and cautious of sex tourism in their area of the world and will avoid men that treat sex as transactional in nature. This means that you can’t suggest that you spent all this time and money to come see her, and therefore, she owes you some nookie. You have to date her and know her as a person. Despite the likelihood of the two of you writing letters and communicating on webcam for months prior to your visit, you haven’t dated her yet. Fortunately, for you, dating isn’t that expensive in the FSU. Even in major cities you can find a café or recreational activity that is reasonable in price. Don’t forget that there is no such thing as going Dutch in the FSU. The man pays for the dates. Also, there will be no shopping sprees!
After a few days into your visit when you’ve established some comfort and attraction, you can invite her to your apartment for wine or champaign. If she agrees, then sex will most certainly happen. Try to establish as seductive and romantic atmosphere as possible and try to lead her into sex naturally. She may stop you to use the bathroom or shower. Let her. Russian women aren’t teases like American women are. If she’s accepted an invitation to your place, she is willing to have sex.
Many veteran bride seekers have suggested a 5-day rule. If you haven’t had sex with her by the fifth day of your visit, then you are supposed to cut off ties and move on. Many people have resisted this idea because they see that it debases the idea of human relationships. You certainly don’t want to tell your girlfriend about this rule, but after some experiences, I see wisdom in this rule. Relationships that I was in that didn’t have sex within this time frame went nowhere. You also have to consider that dating and courtship is compressed into a one week visit so this tends to accelerate things.
So yes, you can expect to have sex with the girl that you are visiting within a few days.
American men aren’t the only people in the western world that are having such a big problem with the local women that they need to look abroad in other countries for wives. This African immigrant sees this huge problem in France as well. She posted a video to YouTube calling out the French women for being so arrogant and disrespectful of men. She is speaking in French but somebody has translated and subtitled the video. So I can’t take credit or make any claim as to the translation’s accuracy. I’m transcribing the subtitles into this post because she’s spot on in her analysis, and I fear that the video may one day be taken down. Her words must endure. One cannot describe what troubles relationships between men and women more accurately than she has done.
In the video, she says…
Hello. So girls, WAKE UP! Today’s world is going to its end, it’s destroying itself and unfortunately, our behavior as girls is getting worse and worse. I’m making this video to tell girls: we have to wake up, make some decisions and change a lot of things. Today’s men prefer going to Africa and marry women who live there, instead of us, the women who live in Europe. Have we ever taken the time to ask ourselves: why? Why these men reach the point of going to another continent to marry women instead of here, in Europe, though there are beautiful women everywhere?
We’ve never thought about it. Yes and the answer is very simple: we girls have become…Hum what definition can I give it? First our behavior DOES NOT MATCH AT ALL WHAT MEN ARE LOOKING FOR! Our way to respect ourselves. Our way to talk. Our way to dress. Our way to take responsibilities: we are not responsible anymore. Girls, I’m sorry, OK? But we have to wake up. If today’s men choose to marry foreign women, it’s because something is going wrong with women here. Personally, I don’t see what women in Africa have to offer that we can’t. As regards to physical beauty ,we are all the same. But what pushes men into going to another continent to marry a foreign woman?
You know what? It’s all about behavior. Have you ever seen in Kinshasa — just answer honestly — have you ever seen a couple arguing in Kinshasa, and the woman say to the man: “Shut up!”? Have you ever seen that? I don’t think so. But here in Europe…Hey!! With women’s rights, with stories of beaten women, with child benefits, and grant huge power to women. Women have become proud. Women have become spiteful. Women have become rough. Women even think that they are men! But THIS IS NOT WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!
Woman! You are — I’m sorry for the expression — just opening your big mouth against your man though you know in the depths of your heart that you NEED HIM! It’s really sad because I don’t understand why our generation is sinking [sic] that way. Why can’t we go back into the times of our grandparents, when submission is the rule? Why did Europe make us so proud? Why did it make us people that we’re not?
Yes, you will tell me about “integration”. But integration is about your life’s environment. It’s about finding a job, learning the country’s language, etc. This is the true integration. Don’t tell me it’s about becoming impolite, like lots of European children, who are allowed to be disrespectful with their parents.
You know…the police…I disagree with the way police comes to help in this country. When they face the case of a couple arguing, instead of just giving some advices [sic], they come and say: ‘ Madame, if you’re feeling bad, just split up. Arguing that way, all the time…you should end it. WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THIS??! Have you ever seen a policeman in Africa come in and tell a couple to split up? WHAT IS THIS??! Here in Europe, the spirit of separation rules, the spirit of destruction rules…and we can’t continue to live this way.
That’s right: European women have some advantages over men. But don’t use these advantages to BREAK your men and make them go away! Because once your man goes to a foreign country and marries another woman, you’re gonna say: “what does she have that I don’t?” I’m goona [sic] tell you what she has that you don’t: SHE IS POLITE! Because in Africa, we teach our children politeness. A woman can’t talk to her husband with in a bad way [sic]. Yes. The first thing to do is not to say anything. The bible says: when the time of happiness comes, enjoy it. But when the time of sorrow comes, think about yourself. Because when the hard times come, when we are angry we make bad decisions. We say bad things. That’s the power of language!
I don’t want to teach you lessons, but just to bring you where I am today. WOMEN! TAKE AWAY YOUR PRIDE! Being and independent woman is a good thing. But you have to know that you can’t be completely independent. Somewhere out there, YOU NEED A MAN. Even for the smallest things, YOU WILL NEED A MAN. Pride! The big head! To say things like: “I have a job”, “I have money”, “I don’t need anyone”. No! Don’t think that way!
Have you ever noticed these beautiful women, very attractive, but when you ask them, they say they are still single. Have you asked yourself: why?? It’s not about beauty. You think that if you dress well, put in [sic] some make up, a good man will fall down at your feet? NO!!
And you, married women, have you ever asked yourselves why your husbands go elsewhere and seek out for uglier women? That’s true , I asked myself this question. The husband cheats with a woman who has nothing in common with the wife (the wife is much more beautiful). The husband is not looking out for physical beauty. But for what stands here (the heart), and that the wife at home misses. Think about it.
I hope this message gets into you [sic], because it’s sad to see so much single women here, in Europe, whereas men go to marry other women in Africa. I’m not saying it’s bad: everybody takes his chance.
Bravo!
She closes her video with a word of caution for the foreign bride seeker:
But you, men, too, have to be advised: What guarantees you that they behavior of this woman you’ve brought from another continent won’t change once here in Europe? In the basis, 80% of (black) women who live here come from Africa. Once we came here, we discovered a wonderful world of allowance, advantages, etc. And it somehow changed all of us. The woman you bring from there might be worse than the ones you fled from, here! Think about it…and have a nice evening…
It’s good to keep in mind this warning. I suspect that somewhere in the back of a man’s mind, he’s doing a cost benefit analysis and calculating his odds, and he’s finding the odds are better at finding a nice, beautiful, marriage-minded girl are much greater abroad to make it worth the effort.
Your foreign bride, will need to–to borrow the term of this French woman–integrate into your country and she will take cues from the culture around her as to what behavior may or may not be acceptable. There is a chance that she will become as bad as the local women you were fleeing. Certainly there are foreign women of bad character. If you are selective and really choose your wife based on common values, and you become the husband that she can depend on when she moves to your country, your wife changing into the beast that you have been trying to avoid should be unlikely.
The recent data breach of Ashley Madison, a website designed for cheating spouses to find each other, has created an opportunity to study and determine the gender-based behaviors of men and women on dating websites. I think this gives us a very accurate picture as to why so many men struggle with online dating because I think what we have learned from the users of Ashley Madison applies to other dating websites in the USA. So far much of the press and the public seem preoccupied with determining which public, high-profile figures and celebrities we will find that have used the site.
As for me, I wanted to know whether or not women are even on these sites. A study was done and published on Gizmodo that pretty much confirmed what men that have done online dating have always suspected:
There are orders of magnitude more men on the site than women.
That significant numbers of profiles are fake. They were created by bots or the people who worked at Ashley Madison
That the men were much more active on the site than the women are.
Yep, it’s pretty much a sausage fest on Ashley Madison. Check out the raw numbers by gender:
Anybody who has spent time on dating websites knows that just because you see a profile on the internet, it doesn’t mean that they’re active. Gizmodo also looked at activity by seeking profiles of people who regularly check their message boxes and use the chat feature (strong indicators of activity).
This bitter piece of reality will surprise even the most jaded online dater. There are literally 10,000 active men on Ashley Madison FOR EVERY ONE WOMAN!
This lopsided difference even applies for the chat feature.
It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Out of the 5.5 million female profiles on Ashley Madison, only a couple thousand of them represented real, active women. As such they literally have a pick of the litter.
But now it’s time to get real. The point that Gizmodo and other analysts that take a look at the leaked data are going to miss is that none of these women will actually be (physically) cheating. Maybe we can count on our hands the number of women that have actually cheated through Ashley Madison, but it might as well be zero. If social media has taught us anything, it’s that women crave attention. Women aren’t wired for sex like men are. If a woman puts up a profile on the internet and get’s bombarded with messages, invitations and likes, this will be enough to satisfy their ego. They’ll still think they got it….even after they hit the wall. It’s men that actually want to date and have sex. They’ll want to actually do the act.
And if you think about it, 10-20 million men as active users are a significant portion of the adult male population in the US. That’s a lot of lonely men doing an activity that won’t get them laid! Instead they end up sending messages and interest into the aether.
It makes you wonder if there are some dating sites that give men a more balanced ratio. The good news is that there are. But you have to go to foreign sites and mail order bride sites. You still encounter fake profiles, but the balance is much better and the response rate is better (albeit not perfect–there are scammers out there). This is one reason why I think the foreign bride phenomenon will grow. American men will seek greener pastures when it comes to dating and initially that will involve the internet. Once he sees how much better foreign searches works for him, there won’t be any turning back.
Olga Reznikova runs a video channel and blog titled Discover Ukraine that can be a valuable resource for the bride seeker trying to find love in the former Soviet Union (FSU).
She writes and does videos about various topics dealing with Ukraine, it’s culture and various current events effecting this area of the world.
I will share one of her videos here about marriage agencies, but her whole blog and channel is worth a look.
The video is a little long but it’s mostly a warning and word of caution for western men that use marriage agencies. Some of the salient points:
Working at marriage agencies is a popular job in Ukraine for young women and even some men. Olga claims that there are forums that exist where such people discuss tips and strategies about how to get the most money from hapless foreign men that are interested in a foreign bride. Olga was even offered such a job at one point in her life. She also warns that this seems to be a big industry in Odessa, Ukraine, so be cautious when searching for girls here.
Pictures can be deceiving. Even if the woman in the photo is the actual girl, photo editing software can be used to drastically change the woman’s appearance leaving you disappointed when you meet with her in reality.
Ukrainian girls aren’t a cheap commodity. Don’t expect that a Ukrainian girl lives to service her husband and be a housekeeper. Olga says that they can be quite demanding and expect good clothes, good house, etc. This is pretty accurate from what I’ve seen also. It reminds me of a quote from Oscar Wilde: Women have simple tastes. They only want the best!
Olga says to read testimonials. There can be some confusion here because many unscrupulous agencies and websites will write their own testimonials. I think she means to read reviews of agencies written by other foreign bride seekers. To do that you need to find forums and blogs of men that will tell the straight truth about agencies and websites.
Olga is a priceless resource and I think many WM should be grateful to have her helping us and giving advice. Knowledge is power.
Love Gone Global 