Evolutionary Psychology often describes men as being hunters and women being gatherers. Anybody who doubts this theory would only need to visit a local shopping mall anywhere in the world and people-watch to verify this fact. It’s easy to see that men, by themselves, will walk directly to the appropriate sections of the appropriate stores to snatch a few items and go to the cashier to immediately pay for them. Women will stroll through and take a tour of the place while browsing through the material offerings and perhaps leave without buying a damn thing.
If there is a man and woman in the mall as a couple, this scene is typical:
In the past, I’ve tried to find some enjoyment in shopping with a woman, sometimes successfully. I wasn’t shy about giving honest opinions about what fashions I thought were sexy and accentuated her features. Sometimes they listened and I got to suggest some fashions that she would try on in the fitting rooms. It was like I had my own private fashion show with her as I directed her turns and poses in front of mirrors in clothes that I picked out for her. It was joy I was able to extract out of three hours even when she wouldn’t buy anything. If it was swimsuit season, things got even better!
I thought that I was a clever one. I found a way to enjoy the activity, and surely, I was able to score some brownie points in the process. Nah! Take a step outside yourself while your shopping with your girl and observe. See that man trotting behind your girl like some type of golden retriever? That’s you!
It’s difficult to see how emasculating it is for a man to go shopping with his woman. Seriously, it might be some test women do to see how much a man can tolerate. I first got a clue during some previous trips to Ukraine and Russia. I know that I’ve spoken previously about how great RW are, and it’s often true. But they can also be full-blown mercenaries! Try taking them shopping. They’ll put an American woman to shame in terms of greed.
I remember one particular incident with a girl I visited in Kiev some years ago. It was my first trip to the FSU. Things seemed to go well for the first few days until she took me to an electronics store and started picking out new carrying cases and memory cards for her camera and expecting me to buy them. There was no discussion before hand about me buying these for her. I helped her with some groceries a day or so prior and I have been covering dating expenses up until this point. We may have shared a few kisses but we did not have any sex yet. There was no reason for her to presume that she can take me to a store and have me buy her items that she’d pick out. No American woman would have this audacity. It’s simply rude.
I ended up paying for the items she picked out. It only set me back $150 but I was pissed. I brought up the issue at dinner and she played the culture card about how men are expected to pay for everything and make his woman happy. But even other Russians will say that this is going too far. Needless to say, our relationship didn’t make it past the night. It wasn’t so much the money, it was the attitude and expectations she had. And I felt very self-conscious about getting into an argument with her in the store in where other patrons and employees would be watching so I payed to show some discretion in public. But I still felt all eyes in the store watching me as a foreign man getting verbally whipped by a young Ukrainian that was barely 5 feet tall! It was humiliating.
In retrospect, I should have stood up to her and simply leave the store and see if she followed me or not. But it was hard. You try saying “no” to a knockout that’s dressed to the nines and made up like she was about to walk on a catwalk. She had golden chestnut hair and piercing green eyes set into a heart-shaped face with large breasts on a petite frame.
Let’s see if any of you Americans who’ve never dated such a woman come to a foreign country and say “no” to that. If you did, you would be a better man than me. If you don’t, then don’t worry. With additional trips you’ll get better at dealing with such gorgeous women that hold your mental faculties in check by simply batting their eyelashes. The good news is after dating enough in the FSU, beautiful women will seem ordinary to you and you can risk disappointing a gold-digging mercenary while knowing that you can bump into another hottie around the corner in 5 minutes. Until you get to this point of proficiency in your love life, just follow one simple rule: NO MORE SHOPPING SPREES! Tell her it’s not your custom. Tell her you hate shopping worse than going to the dentist, even if you don’t mind shopping like I do. I found it saves a lot of trouble and you avoid being emasculated in public.
I’ve told this story to more experienced bride-seeking veterans since then. They are practically unanimous in the opinion that I probably would have had sex with her later that evening if I kept my mouth shut about it. It’s not to say I wouldn’t enjoy that, but it would be playing with fire. I couldn’t imagine how much it would cost me in terms of money or dignity. But if you think that your game, go ahead and try it. I’d be interested in hearing how well it turned out for you.
I would suggest not even going shopping with any woman, even an American woman. It’s just not worth it. That emasculating feeling is real and it’s hard to expect that the woman you are with will think any better of you as your following her around the mall all day holding her purse.
NO MORE SHOPPING SPREES!