Going dutch is a dating term in America that describes the practice of both the man and woman contributing financially to the expenses of their date. Instead of an exercise in fairness, it merely reflects how dreams of equality between the sexes got perverted and made a mockery of the dating process. But rest assured, there is no such thing as going dutch in Russia. The man pays for all dates. Simple!
Going dutch was never a real dating custom in America. You may have heard the blunt phrase, “No man ever got laid by going dutch!” Well, it’s true. If you think about your dating experience, or the dating experiences of other men that you know well, relationships that ended up going dutch never went much further than that. Heck, if a man is really into the girl, he wants to pay for her. It’s the easiest way to show that he’s a classy guy and a good provider. There’s also the benefit of the girl feeling more cared for and comfortable with you. She knows that you’re serious.
This is how it works in Russia! You want to go to Russia because the girls are more feminine and conservative, right? Well, that means the man pays. If you went dutch for a long time in America, this may seem a little strange to you, but it’s not. Try it a few times and you’ll understand how primal this desire is to take care of a woman if you’re really into her.
This is a good example on how the harping and carrying on about gender equality has totally messed up western courtship. Going dutch has an appeal of fairness to it but it undermines traditional gender roles and leads to confusion about one’s intentions for the relationship. Women who are serial daters* might suggest going dutch to avoid the implication that they are just dating for free food and entertainment. But this won’t be what the guy thinks. He’ll think he’s with one of those “modern chicks” and allow her to pay her share to avoid offending her. The girl is wondering why he would accept her offer to go dutch unless he wasn’t really into her. Whatever relationship they thought they had was dead on arrival at this point. The offer to go dutch can also be a woman’s way of saying that she doesn’t want to owe him anything. But how is the guy suppose to know this? Like I said, it leaves nothing but confusion.
This is why I always paid, even when dating in America. There’s nothing to be confused about in terms of the relationship. The girl knows my interest because I wouldn’t be paying for her if I wasn’t. Plus it’s always fun to listen with amusement her rants about the glass ceiling and how women make $0.71 for every dollar a man makes only to have me cover everything. But then again, I doubt a lot of American women pick up on that irony.
This is one of the good things about Russia. The RW let men be men. This doesn’t mean that the date needs to be expensive and extravagant. When you’re meeting for the first time, it’s best to keep it simple. Make sure it’s a location or activity that you feel comfortable paying. Another good thing about RW is they let the man decide where the date is. This was a big relief to me, because I’ve grown accustomed to treating the first few dates in America like a hostage negotiation. The AW like to shoot down dating ideas or subtly change the plans you make. One barely starts out on the date before he even wonders why he bothers.
The dating culture in Russia is a lot simpler and a lot more enjoyable.
*The term serial dater refers to women who date frequently without the intention of making a serious commitment. A serial dater isn’t necessarily focused on having sex, although it could happen. They’re just out to have fun and hope an available man can defray some of her food and entertainment expenses.