Tag Archives: dating

Can You Get a Hot Russian Girl?

The prospect of being able to get a more attractive and hotter girl from another country as your wife is what appeals to many foreign bride seekers.  However, this could be a recipe for disappointment.  You need a good idea of how beautiful a foreign bride you can get.

I know how this starts.  Most men begin their search on-line.  They are bombarded by profiles of women and photos of women in suggestive poses that wouldn’t give him the time of day in America under normal circumstances.  Advertising strongly implies that these long-haired beauties are fed up with their local men and want to marry a foreign man.  Your looks don’t matter!  He’s skeptical but he signs up for free at one of the sights, creates a profile and uploads his photos.  Responses start rolling in.  Many of them are scammers but some are genuine.  Even the genuine replies are coming from some pretty hot women.

This is much different from the daily grind of approaching women online or in public in America.  He thinks he’s struck gold!

NOW STOP!

You know that new sense of euphoria that you’re getting from being a desired commodity?  That’s what the average American woman feels between the ages of 15 and 35.  She gets a ton of interest from the opposite sex and she feels she can pick and choose based on increasingly superficial criteria until at around 35 when she hits the wall and wonder where all the good men are.  It’s because she was too picky.  She was that kid in a candy store that passed over all the different types of candy until the store closed and now she’s stuck with nothing.

Don’t fall in this trap.  Don’t think you can hold out or trade up to hotter and hotter women, because there are limits.  It’s not that you’ll end up with nothing.  The hotties will be more than happy to  go out with you (for a price), but your goal should be a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage.  You aren’t the only guy looking abroad and she is going to pick a man that she thinks is suitable for her.

Humans often practice assortative mating. This is the tendency of an individual to mate with someone who has similar attributes to yourself.  Colloquially this is described as dating within your league or ladder theory in some places on the internet.  It’s not that humans make a conscious decision to do this.  Many do aim out of their league to try to improve their lives but they are often rejected because their romantic interest is also trying to mate with the best that she can.

If most beautiful people are rated as a 10 on a scale of 1-10 that means they are in high demand and can be more selective.  If they do make a choice, they will choose a 10 as well.  The rest of us have to settle for lower on the scale, but not too low!  What happens under this selection criteria is that the dating and marriage market tends to stratify.  10’s will pair off with 10’s.  5’s with 5’s and 2’s with 2’s.

This is idealized but you get the point.  There is often couples that have a point or two difference.  You can often see a 5 with a 7, because circumstances vary and change.  Maybe one partner doesn’t realize his intrinsic attractiveness.  Maybe they were well matched in the past but one partner let himself go.  Maybe there was something quirky about him that turned off some women in his league but somebody else higher up found authentic and endearing.

But most people think that a difference of two between levels of attractiveness is the maximum.  Anything more strains credibility.  If you see a 4 with a 9, for example, then there has to be an overriding factor.  Often it boils down to money.  But there could also be self-esteem issues, or perhaps the marriage was arranged.

This is what you need to keep in mind to achieve the best outcome when searching for foreign brides.  Be mindful of your own attractiveness when deciding who to contact.  Your search will be a lot less expensive and frustrating and you’ll be better off for it.

This dose of realism isn’t bad news.  You will certainly end up with a more beautiful wife than what you are capable of obtaining back at home.  You are likely to score the full two points higher than you on attractiveness.  The fact that you are from a more economically developed country is a plus.  So if you are a 5 (average attractiveness), then you should be able to obtain a 7 easily.  Most people consider 7’s to be attractive so you’re doing great for yourself.  If you aim for a ten, you may get her, but people will suspect things like she only married you for the citizenship to your country.  That’s assuming the relationship even lasted that long.

Choose wisely!

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Should You Expect Sex?

A common question that bride seekers tend to ask is if they can expect to have sex with the foreign woman that they date overseas.  The question doesn’t surprise me.  Men consider sex to be of primary importance in their relationship.  However, I also suspect that some men may think that other “traditional” cultures may have traditional views about sex (only in marriage), and therefore, he will have to spend much money, vacation time and effort to bring her to the US on a fiancé visa and marry her before he has a chance to have sex with her.  I also think that men want to be assured that, after going through all this trouble, that a relationship can be consummated.  There’s also the reality that men gauge a woman’s interest in him based on how willing she is to have sex with him.

Sexy_Girl9005

I can answer with some confidence that you can expect to have sex with the girl that you are dating in Russia and other countries of the FSU.  I can see exceptions in the case of devoutly religious women, but these exceptions are rare as far as I can tell.  So I don’t think foreign bride seekers in this area of the world need to worry about a woman holding out on him if they really like each other.

Bear in mind that women in the FSU are aware and cautious of sex tourism in their area of the world and will avoid men that treat sex as transactional in nature.  This means that you can’t suggest that you spent all this time and money to come see her, and therefore, she owes you some nookie.  You have to date her and know her as a person.  Despite the likelihood of the two of you writing letters and communicating on webcam for months prior to your visit, you haven’t dated her yet.  Fortunately, for you, dating isn’t that expensive in the FSU.  Even in major cities you can find a café or recreational activity that is reasonable in price.  Don’t forget that there is no such thing as going Dutch in the FSU.  The man pays for the dates.  Also, there will be no shopping sprees!

After a few days into your visit when you’ve established some comfort and attraction, you can invite her to your apartment for wine or champaign.  If she agrees, then sex will most certainly happen.  Try to establish as seductive and romantic atmosphere as possible and try to lead her into sex naturally.  She may stop you to use the bathroom or shower.  Let her.  Russian women aren’t teases like American women are.  If she’s accepted an invitation to your place, she is willing to have sex.

Many veteran bride seekers have suggested a 5-day rule.  If you haven’t had sex with her by the fifth day of your visit, then you are supposed to cut off ties and move on.  Many people have resisted this idea because they see that it debases the idea of human relationships.  You certainly don’t want to tell your girlfriend about this rule, but after some experiences, I see wisdom in this rule.  Relationships that I was in that didn’t have sex within this time frame went nowhere.  You also have to consider that dating and courtship is compressed into a one week visit so this tends to accelerate things.

So yes, you can expect to have sex with the girl that you are visiting within a few days.

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The Making of an American Princess

Without a doubt, American women are the most spoiled group of women that history has probably ever seen.  But how did they get this way?  It’s often hard to say at what point in a woman’s life she felt entitled to the best jobs, best careers and best men without putting in a lot of effort.  It might be worth examining a spoiled princess in the making.

Ashley McDonald is a journalism major attending Central Michigan University.  She’s quite stunning.

Ashley McDonald looking her best!

Ashley McDonald looking her best!

I would rate her an 8 on a scale of 1-10.  Virtually all men would find her attractive.  Nothing on her face is out of proportion.  She knows how to use makeup to accentuate her features in a pleasant way.  Great smile with good dentition.  Nice hair with pleasantly shaped eyebrows.  An all together feminine look.  She’s a woman in her prime years of beauty and sex appeal.

Ashley went on a date with a coworker that she met last year at her summer job.  This is what the hapless suitor got instead:

I demand that you love me for my mind!

I demand that you love me for my mind!

Ashley blogs for the Huffington Post.  In her article, To the Jerk From My Summer Job, she describes how she prepared for the date:

I remember I was in a rush that morning. I was probably completing tasks for my work-from-home internship or finishing up homework for my summer classes (I was a busy gal), and I recall jumping in the shower and throwing on an old sweatshirt — one of my favorites, soft and cozy — and then heading out.

Yes, yes.  “I’m such a busy girl with so many balls in the air that I can’t be troubled to look presentable for a male collegue that is interested in seeing me.”

What a joke!

Of course, the guy she was meeting took notice:

Wow, you look like crap today

[…]

You’re, like, a one out of five right now.

He exaggerates, of course.  I would place her looks at about a 6 on the 1-10 scale.  Her lack of attention to her appearance knocked her down two points on the beauty scale!

When Ashley challenged him, he replied:

You said I genuinely looked bad, but if it made me feel better, one out of five is the equivalent of two out of 10.

This guy has some balls!  I like him!

I know that most guys would have meekly apologized or said they were just kidding when challenged by a woman this way.  I know there would be a point in my past where I would have done so.  But this guy knew she was disrespectful when she showed up this way, stuck to his guns and called her out on it.  Bravo!

His response, seems to validate the negging concept of game that the pick-up artist (PUA) communities advocate when trying to score on dates.  Usually, negging is a little more subtle.  It takes the form of a back-handed compliment so that there’s plausible deniability.  This guy’s neg was much more direct which may have prompted Ashley to throw a drink in his face.  But she didn’t, she actually stayed with him for the duration of the date and obsessed about the incident for about a year before she blogged about it.  I say mission accomplished!  Negging works.  It’s all about kicking out that polished pedestal that women like to put themselves onto and forcing her to deal with the man as an equal.  That’s what negging is for when properly used.  They may not have hit off, but when they encounter each other again along their respective career paths, she knows that this is a man she needs to respect.  This is a much better outcome than being forgotten.

This is one of the things I find so infuriating with American women these days.  Ashley, tries to play this off as a meeting that was mutually agreed upon among friends.  No, Ashley.  This guy wanted to date you and you half-assed it.

Don’t misunderstand me.  Some women aren’t really into following all the fashion and beauty trends and dress like they just rolled out of bed.  In that case, we can take her or leave her.

But in Ashley’s case, she normally uses make-up at least.  Her other blog entries describe how she still manages to buy makeup and other beauty essentials on a light, college student budget.  We can almost certainly infer that she tries to look presentable for her friends when they go out, or when she goes on job interviews, or even when she’s at work (which probably enticed the guy to talk to her and ask her out in the first place).

So showing up on the date (or “hanging out”, if you will) looking like she did was very disrespectful.  What is the guy suppose to think about this?

Russian women, on the other hand, always try to look their best–even when they are going out in public and not expecting to meet anybody.  So we American men can either vote with our feet and go abroad for women that can show respect for us.  Or we can start calling out these poor excuses we call the American woman.

How does this all start?

This begs the question as to how Ashley became this way to begin with.  We can glean some clues from her other blog entries.

In How My Scars Changed the Way I See Beauty, she describes some very prominent scars due to a corrective surgery in her past.  She was always self-conscious of them.  It seemed to have taught her a degree of modesty earlier in her life.

ashley scars

 That seemed to change once she started dating and guys were kissing her ass about how beautiful they were just so they can see her naked.  Now she thinks she knows a thing or two about beauty and doesn’t need to show up on a date looking presentable.

In The Truth About How Love Happens Ashley, presents her dating resume that begins with her first love at 15 years old followed by a string of failed loves because none of them were measuring up to the 15-year-old love and she knew they wouldn’t last:

A couple of other loves came along. There was the love that, in the end, was really only a friendship love. There was the college love, so unfamiliar and new and exciting (no curfew; no open-door rules!). And all of these loves were diverse and special, but none were meant to conclude my dating life, and deep down, I always knew it.

So we can establish that there is no shortage of male attention for Ashley.  Her pedestal grows like the erection of a 16-year-old.

As a senior in college she’s swept off her feet, yet again, by an out-of-town love who must leave her to return home but promises to meet her again and feels so empty inside that her father needs to cheer her up at a family gathering.

A few hours later, surrounded by family at a post-Fourth celebration, my dad sat next to me, rocking gently in a chair, an uncharacteristically pensive expression on his face. And then he turned to me. “A guy like him can be worth waiting for,” he said.

Great!  So, not only does Ashley already have an extensive list of boyfriends (and presumably many more that are pining for her–she’s an 8 after all), she has parents that are enabling her.

This is how an American princess is born folks.  This should be a warning for parents (especially for the fathers) to get more involved moderating their daughter’s love life.  I fear it may be too late for Ashley.  She thinks that she already learned her lessons:

The truth about love is that it can happen at any moment. It can happen right away, like it did for my mother. It can happen in five years, six months. Or it can happen in just two weeks. It’s not the amount of time that counts; love itself is timeless. It’s the feeling in your gut, the special sense, that thing where you just know.

She may, in fact, find love on her terms.  In this day and age, it would be like winning the lottery. When she’s thirty and her biological clock is chiming loudly, she’ll be singing a different tune and wonder where all the men have gone. And for the most part, it’s because she hasn’t taken her love life seriously.

I can’t blame Ashley.  She is a product of our times like the rest of us.  It’s funny really.  We can teach them about sex and make sure they have easy access to birth control and abortions–which is considered progress in our liberally enlightened world.  But then send them off into the meat market that is the American dating scene without any guidance at all.

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I Am Tom Cruise

I’m not Tom Cruise in the literal sense, but I’m speaking metaphorically–and not about the man himself, but the character of Bill Harford that he played in the movie Eyes Wide Shut.  EWS was one of Stanley Kubric’s greatest films.  There’s been much written about the symbolism and themes portrayed in the movie, and one would have to watch it a few times to have it all sink in when the strong sexual content isn’t distracting you.  However, I personally related to Tom Cruise’s character, a doctor named Bill Harford.  Harford’s encounters in EWS resonate and parallels very well with my experiences in marriage and dating in America.  I wonder if Kubric ever realized the cord he struck with me and a lot of other men in my situation.

Eyes-Wide-Shut

The standard view of women is wrong

Like many American men, Bill Harford had a very naive view of women.  As far as he knew, women desired commitment and security so there was no reason why he should ever be jealous of his wife, Alice, when he saw her dancing with another man at a Christmas party.  Alice is bothered about his lack of jealousy and offended by his insinuation that she wouldn’t be sexually drawn to other men.  “You’re quite sure of yourself, aren’t you?” Alice had said.  Alice proceeds to burst Bill’s bubble by confessing that, not only did she think about having an affair with the man that she danced with at the Christmas party, but also with a naval officer that was staying at the same hotel they were at the previous summer.  Bill has been emotionally wounded by this confession, and Alice continuing to describe her feelings involving the naval officer in exquisite detail is twisting the knife.

Women generally keep their mouths shut about such feelings because the men in their lives would only get upset and Bill is no exception.  But to men in the pickup artist community, Alice’s reactions are completely understandable.  Women desiring commitment and security is only a half-truth.  They don’t desire this from any man, only alpha males.  This explains why so many nice guys and beta males spend their nights alone despite demonstrating the willingness to provide that commitment and security.  They’re not alphas.  Alice’s reaction to Bill is rooted in her disgust with Bill’s lack of display of alpha behavior.  He should be jealous enough to protect his mate and he wasn’t.  In evolutionary psychology, this is called mate guarding.

You would think that despite these revelations, Alice would still respect Bill.  Nope!  Alice breaks into a laughing fit when Bill shares his views with her on her own fidelity but he attributes it to her being high on the marijuana they’ve been smoking.  It becomes clear throughout the movie that Alice doesn’t respect Bill at all despite all his merits that should make him a good catch: financially secure, good looking, successful, well-connected, loyal, etc.  Not only does she not respect him, but openly mocks him to his face while devoting her time to their daughter.  Any married men that have found yourself in a similar situation, raise your hand.  Thought so.  Moving on.

Bill’s journey into the female psyche

Needless to say, Bill is angry.  But he is called to the home of a patient that has recently died later in the evening before he and Alice can finish their conversation.  His departure from his home in Central Park West takes him on an erotic journey that rattles him and entices him at the same time while slowly and utterly demolishing any preconceptions he might have about the sexual nature of men and women.

  1. He arrives at his recently deceased patient’s home where his patient’s daughter attempts to seduce him despite her being engaged to another man.  Bill declines the advance and dismisses it by attributing it to grief-induced lack of judgement.  In this incident, Bill is still trying to remain noble and adhering to his ethics as a doctor and a married man.
  2. Bill later encounters a group of men while walking in the street who are crudely describing a recent trip to a strip club or recent sexual encounter when they accuse Bill of being gay and bully him.  Bill is genuinely puzzled by the encounter.  Considering that I’ve been bullied on a number of occasions, it was obvious to me that some men try to build alpha credibility by bullying others and bragging about sexual conquests.  Women tend to have more sexual interest with such men. Men who don’t are accused of being gay and Bill must have subconciously telegraphed this vibe.  Bill is most assuredly not alpha material.
  3. Bill later encounters a prostitute named Domino who offers to take him to her apartment for some fun.  At this point we see Bill starting to abandon his principles.  He is also still mad at Alice and figures some revenge sex might be appropriate.  We also see throughout the movie that Bill is used to using his professional credentials and generous gratuity to get what he wants out of life, so paying a prostitute seems to be right up his ally.  However, it appears this is his first time hiring a prostitute because he doesn’t know what he’s doing and it’s making things awkward in her apartment.  Domino is nice enough to talk him through it, but before things go too far, Bill gets a call from Alice.  He lies to Alice about where he is at, but is now overwhelmed with guilt and decides not to go through with having sex with Domino.  He pays her anyway for her time.
  4. Bill visits with an old friend that is playing piano at a night club.  Bill discovers that his friend has a gig later that night, but it’s in a secret place.  Bill’s interest is raised further when his friend lets slip that there are attractive women there looking to hook up.  Bill presses his friend for enough information about the time and place since he believes he can infiltrate the event with a costume and mask since he has already heard the password.  At this point of Bill’s journey he is actively seeking a sexual encounter instead of being a passive recipient of sexual offers.  I’m thinking that Bill is aroused at this point after two aborted sexual encounters so whatever guilt he has is easily being supressed as he keeps dwelling on what Alice has told him.
  5. Bill goes to a shop to rent a costume that was owned by one of his patients only to find that it has been a while since they last spoke and discovers that somebody else owns the shop.  The merchant is willing to open his store in the middle of the night when Bill offers to pay extra.  But their transaction is briefly interrupted when the merchant discovers that his daughter is fooling around with two Asian men.  Since his daughter is underage, the merchant detains them until he finishes helping Bill so that he can call the police.  The daughter flirts with Bill before the merchant angrily sends her to bed.   Bill doesn’t know what to make of the incident.  He certainly won’t try to chase after the daughter of an angry merchant and he’s in a rush to get to the secret party so he quickly forgets about it.
  6. Then things get weird.  Bill arrives at the party’s location after a long taxi ride.  He gains entry simply enough and finds himself attending a pseudoreligious ceremony with other people in costumes and masks.  The masks don’t prevent a couple of the attendees from noticing Bill (perhaps because he’s wearing a costume that they don’t recognize from previous parties), but they don’t seem to do anything about it.  The women then disrobe during the ceremony and pair off with the men to start an orgy.  One of the women chooses Bill.  She apparently notices that he doesn’t belong there either and tries to get him to leave.  But she is distracted by another attendee and Bill’s curiosity keeps him at the party.  Bill only remains long enough to enjoy the view before getting ceremoniously ejected from the party with a warning that harm can come to him and his family if he speaks about what he saw.  Bill is in an environment where sex is given away freely and the most erotic fantasies a man can think of are being played out before his eyes.  But he doesn’t get to participate.  I can’t picture him feeling any guilt at all at this stage from such a sensory overload.
  7. Bill finally gets home, but gets no sympathy or sexual release from his wife.  In fact, he finds her giggling in the middle of a dream she is having in which many men are having sex with her while Bill looks on–much like Bill was looking on at the party he was just thrown out of.  If he was angry before, this should make him furious, but is it only a dream, or are Alice’s true desires bubbling to the surface from her subconcious?
  8. The next day, Bill tries to find his friend pianist the following morning at the local hotel to discover from the attendant at the main desk that his friend checked out really early in the morning and left no messages.  The attendant also happens to be gay and flirts with Bill.  This is the second time Bill is mistaken for being gay.
  9. Bill returns his costume (but seems to have lost the mask) and discovers the merchant on friendly terms with the two Asian men he had threatened to have arrested for fooling around with his daughter.  It seems that the merchant pimps out his daughter and was probably upset that they were trying to have sex with her for free.  He offers her to Bill for the right price, but sex with a minor seems to be too much for Bill and he declines.
  10. Bill actively tries to reach out to the daughter of his deceased patient and the prostitute Domino who were sexually receptive the previous night.  However, the daughter is with her fiance and Domino’s roommate informs him that Domino is HIV positive.  So it’s a no-go.  He also tries to revisit the place of the previous night’s orgy only to be rebuffed with a second warning.  One of Bill’s wealthy patients contacts him and tells him that he was also at that party and saw everything that happened.  He reiterates that Bill shouldn’t  inquire anymore into the matter, or he can be in serious trouble.
  11. Bill returns home to discover the missing mask he had rented with his costume placed next to his sleeping wife.  He is overwhelmed with guilt and confesses everything that has happened to Alice.  Alice feels that the best way to move on is to consider everything that happened the past couple of days as a dream and “to fuck as soon as possible

Bill completes his erotic journey within a day, but for me it took many years.  Apparently, I was a slow learner.  It’s not that I found myself attending orgies or having underage girls hitting on me.  My journey was largely a symbolic one but very similar to Bill’s.  I shared the same naive views of women that Bill did in the beginning of EWS.  I believed that women were naturally loyal and sought monogamy, companionship and security in their relationships because this was what I was taught from my family and even other girls that I was acquainted with.  Women were just waiting for a guy like me to rescue them from the lecherous, over-sexed jerks that they were dating–so I’ve been told.  So I invested time into my studies so that I can be a success and provide for a girl while playing the nice guy card a lot.  Of course, women still rejected me to sleep around with the jerks, but it was explained to me that they had low self-esteem.  These were just pretty lies and I was in denial about it for a long time because I wanted to believe it.

My journey

You see, I complained a lot in high school of my apparent lack of companionship from the opposite sex that claimed that they all wanted nice guys, and I wasn’t aiming out of my league either.  Since the first day I started high school, I knew where my place was in the hierarchy.  I knew that all the beautiful girls went after the football players and the guys that had cars.  I was aiming lower at girls that I thought I had a shot with, but it was still not to be.  I was rebuffed, mocked, teased and even accused of being gay when trying to express sensitivity–which was everything that Bill Harford experienced in EWS.

College wasn’t any better and I was getting the distinct impression that I was being lied to about the nature of women.  I wasn’t holding on to the idea that sex was only for marriage, but I still was taught or indoctrinated with the idea that sex was for a committed relationship and that the burden was on me to demonstrate such a commitment.  This wasn’t the case at all.  Sex after the first date, or even sex without dating was the norm (not the exception).  But the apparent ease of sex wasn’t a benefit in college that was enjoyed by all. In college, sexual activity roughly conformed to the 80/20 rule.  That means 80% of the sex was being had by only 20% of the people.  This means the alpha groups of each gender and this alpha status had little to do with traits such as sensitivity, romance and stability.  But much like Bill at the secret orgy, I saw people hooking up at parties and experimenting with all sorts of kinky activities, but I was excluded from participating.  This experience (or lack thereof) was quite an eye-opener for me.  It’s as if there was a conspiracy to exclude me from these activities or any sort of companionship whatsoever, much like how Bill felt at the orgy in EWS.  

Before anybody jumps on my case to suggest that my situation was unique or that there’s something wrong with me, I suggest to you that my time at college was during the mid to late 90’s where the internet was starting to emerge and gain widespread use.  Communities were forming online and one of them involved men who were as frustrated with the dating scene as I was.  They started comparing notes and tried to figure out how to capture a woman’s heart and desire.  They basically tossed out everything they thought they knew about women or what they have been told, deconstructed woman’s behavior, made observations, formed hypothesis, tried them in social settings and reported the results.  A lot of what they found would seem to mesh with what Alice was trying to tell Bill in EWS.  Hence Game, in its modern form, was born!

I didn’t know about the emerging Game community on the internet at the time.  Despite my setbacks in college, I did manage to meet a girl and married her shortly after I graduated.  She was a Plain Jane but was very friendly and kind to me and I thought this was the best I could hope for.  But within a couple of years, sex no longer interested her.  There was other issues in our marriage but they are beyond the scope of this article.  But you can imagine my frustration that I couldn’t even get sex in marriage!  Bill Harford at least still got to have sex with Alice at the end of EWS!  And even a Plain Jane like my wife couldn’t be a solid marriage partner in a lot of other respects so I divorced her after 5 years of marriage.  Before anybody condemns my decision to divorce,  you should note that  women initiate most divorces in the US and for a lot flimsier reasons.  Fortunately, there were no children or else I might need to hang on to a loveless marriage for their sake.  I got lucky as far as divorces go.

Dating post divorce wasn’t any better.  I was still getting rejected by women despite me being on a solid career path and owning my own home.  Single mothers were interesting in me as long as I understood that I was second fiddle compared to their kids.  Some of the mothers would call their sons little man–something I find to be a little creepy so I was never comfortable with the situation.  Other women were what I would call reformed sluts. They were the ones that slept around when they were younger but now their biological clock is ticking and they realize that they need to behave to find a good man.  This makes sense to them but not to me because they are making me jump through hoops for something that they used to give away freely to other men when they were younger.  No dice.  Strange as it sounds I was involved in some groups online and was invited to an orgy!  I was tempted to go in the hope of getting something started until I learned that the women there were 40-50 year old fat girls–nowhere near the type that were in the orgy scene in EWS.  Pass.

If it sounds like I’m picky now, it’s because I have to be.  I’ve grown older and wiser and my standards have been raised accordingly.  In retrospect, the best opportunity a woman had to snatch me up was when I was young and stupid but they decided to make out or spread their legs for somebody else.  I still look for the serious relationship and serious commitment and I’m willing to give marriage another try.  But it won’t be in the US.  My eyes are no longer eyes wide shut!

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No More Shopping Sprees!

Evolutionary Psychology often describes men as being hunters and women being gatherers.  Anybody who doubts this theory would only need to visit a local shopping mall anywhere in the world and people-watch to verify this fact.  It’s easy to see that men, by themselves, will walk directly to the appropriate sections of the appropriate stores to snatch a few items and go to the cashier to immediately pay for them.  Women will stroll through and take a tour of the place while browsing through the material offerings and perhaps leave without buying a damn thing.

If there is a man and woman in the mall as a couple, this scene is typical:

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In the past, I’ve tried to find some enjoyment in shopping with a woman, sometimes successfully.  I wasn’t shy about giving honest opinions about what fashions I thought were sexy and accentuated her features.  Sometimes they listened and I got to suggest some fashions that she would try on in the fitting rooms.  It was like I had my own private fashion show with her as I directed her turns and poses in front of mirrors in clothes that I picked out for her.  It was joy I was able to extract out of three hours even when she wouldn’t buy anything.  If it was swimsuit season, things got even better!

I thought that I was a clever one.  I found a way to enjoy the activity, and surely, I was able to score some brownie points in the process.  Nah!  Take a step outside yourself while your shopping with your girl and observe.  See that man trotting behind your girl like some type of golden retriever?  That’s you!

It’s difficult to see how emasculating it is for a man to go shopping with his woman.  Seriously, it might be some test women do to see how much a man can tolerate.  I first got a clue during some previous trips to Ukraine and Russia.  I know that I’ve spoken previously about how great RW are, and it’s often true.  But they can also be full-blown mercenaries!  Try taking them shopping.  They’ll put an American woman to shame in terms of greed.

I remember one particular incident with a girl I visited in Kiev some years ago.  It was my first trip to the FSU.  Things seemed to go well for the first few days until she took me to an electronics store and started picking out new carrying cases and memory cards for her camera and expecting me to buy them.  There was no discussion before hand about me buying these for her.  I helped her with some groceries a day or so prior and I have been covering dating expenses up until this point.  We may have shared a few kisses but we did not have any sex yet.  There was no reason for her to presume that she can take me to a store and have me buy her items that she’d pick out.  No American woman would have this audacity.  It’s simply rude.

I ended up paying for the items she picked out.  It only set me back $150 but I was pissed.  I brought up the issue at dinner and she played the culture card about how men are expected to pay for everything and make his woman happy.  But even other Russians will say that this is going too far.  Needless to say, our relationship didn’t make it past the night. It wasn’t so much the money, it was the attitude and expectations she had.  And I felt very self-conscious about getting into an argument with her in the store in where other patrons and employees would be watching so I payed to show some discretion in public.  But I still felt all eyes in the store watching me as a foreign man getting verbally whipped by a young Ukrainian that was barely 5 feet tall!  It was humiliating.

In retrospect, I should have stood up to her and simply leave the store and see if she followed me or not.  But it was hard.  You try saying “no” to a knockout that’s dressed to the nines and made up like she was about to walk on a catwalk.  She had golden chestnut hair and piercing green eyes set into a heart-shaped face with large breasts on a petite frame.

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This petite bombshell from Kiev tries to get me to buy her some electronics to prove my manliness!

Let’s see if any of you Americans who’ve never dated such a woman come to a foreign country and say “no” to that.  If you did, you would be a better man than me.  If you don’t, then don’t worry.  With additional trips you’ll get better at dealing with such gorgeous women that hold your mental faculties in check by simply batting their eyelashes.  The good news is after dating enough in the FSU, beautiful women will seem ordinary to you and you can risk disappointing a gold-digging mercenary while knowing that you can bump into another hottie around the corner in 5 minutes.  Until you get to this point of proficiency in your love life, just follow one simple rule: NO MORE SHOPPING SPREES!  Tell her it’s not your custom.  Tell her you hate shopping worse than going to the dentist, even if you don’t mind shopping like I do.  I found it saves a lot of trouble and you avoid being emasculated in public.

I’ve told this story to more experienced bride-seeking veterans since then.  They are practically unanimous in the opinion that I probably would have had sex with her later that evening if I kept my mouth shut about it.  It’s not to say I wouldn’t enjoy that, but it would be playing with fire.  I couldn’t imagine how much it would cost me in terms of money or dignity.  But if you think that your game, go ahead and try it.  I’d be interested in hearing how well it turned out for you.

I would suggest not even going shopping with any woman, even an American woman.  It’s just not worth it.  That emasculating feeling is real and it’s hard to expect that the woman you are with will think any better of you as your following her around the mall all day holding her purse.

NO MORE SHOPPING SPREES!

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Giving Flowers To Russian Women

A dozen roses may be considered one of the most romantic gifts for a woman in America, but in Russia and other countries in the FSU, it’s considered bad luck.  Despite your best intentions, your romantic overtures will face a serious setback.

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Don’t give flowers in even numbers!

This is because in Russia, flowers in even numbers (numbers that end in 0,2,4,6 and 8) are reserved for funerals.  Giving these numbers to a girl would condemn your chances with her to the afterlife.  It’s considered very bad luck to do so, or perhaps she’ll think that you wish her dead.

Russian women love flowers.  They love flowers more than American women, I suspect.  You just can’t give her flowers in even numbers (that includes 12).  Stick with odd numbers (1,3,5,7 and 9).  So if you have in your heart to give a dozen roses, stick with 11 instead; I wouldn’t try giving thirteen either since I’m pretty sure that’s also an unlucky number in Russia.

This is the one Russian custom that I fear American men will miss out on to their detriment if they haven’t done their research in understanding Russia customs and traditions.  Can a man possibly salvage the transgression by explaining that a dozen roses are a very romantic gift in America?  Honestly, I don’t know.  She may even be forgiving of a foreigner who isn’t aquainted with such knowledge, but the moment of romance that you were trying to set up as a man simply won’t happen and your efforts will be in vain nevertheless.  So I wouldn’t take the chance of giving any other number of roses accept for odd numbers.

Stick with red roses, it’s the color associated with love and passion.  You may feel like getting creative and distinguishing yourself by getting roses in different colors, but this may convey a message that you don’t want to send.  Stick with red only when it comes to roses.  You can play around with colors of other flowers in floral arrangements but not with roses.  Keep it simple.

Don’t forget Woman’s Day!

Russian women will always love receiving flowers on holidays and her birthday.  Valentine’s Day is another holiday that has become popular in Russia also.  But there is one holiday you must absolutely never forget.  It’s a holiday that isn’t really observed in the West so you might miss it.  It is Woman’s Day and it is celebrated on March 8 in all FSU countries and even many former Communist countries.

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The closest analogous holiday in America would be Mother’s Day, but Woman’s Day is even more of a big deal.  Men in Russia will go out and buy flowers and gifts for all the women in their lives.  Not just the mothers but daughters, cousins and girlfriends.  The women get to relax on this day while the men take care of the house and do other special favors.

Do not forget Woman’s Day.  You have been warned!  Fortunately, for the Western man, there are international flower delivery services on the internet that you can use to order flowers for delivery.  All you need is an address.  If you don’t have her address, (it’s possible if you’re just starting to see each other) make sure you have her cell phone number at least.  The delivery service might be able to call and confirm the address with your lady.  The international services make this very easy and convenient, so Google for a couple of them and see who has reasonable prices and selections.  It’s so easy you have no excuse.

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There’s No Such Thing As “Going Dutch”

Going dutch is a dating term in America that describes the practice of both the man and woman contributing financially to the expenses of their date.  Instead of an exercise in fairness, it merely reflects how dreams of equality between the sexes got perverted and made a mockery of the dating process.  But rest assured, there is no such thing as going dutch in Russia.  The man pays for all dates. Simple!

Going dutch was never a real dating custom in America.  You may have heard the blunt phrase, “No man ever got laid by going dutch!”  Well, it’s true.  If you think about your dating experience, or the dating experiences of other men that you know well, relationships that ended up going dutch never went much further than that.  Heck, if a man is really into the girl, he wants to pay for her.  It’s the easiest way to show that he’s a classy guy and a good provider.  There’s also the benefit of the girl feeling more cared for and comfortable with you.  She knows that you’re serious.

This is how it works in Russia!  You want to go to Russia because the girls are more feminine and conservative, right?  Well, that means the man pays.  If you went dutch for a long time in America, this may seem a little strange to you, but it’s not.  Try it a few times and you’ll understand how primal this desire is to take care of a woman if you’re really into her.

This is a good example on how the harping and carrying on about gender equality has totally messed up western courtship.  Going dutch has an appeal of fairness to it but it undermines traditional gender roles and leads to confusion about one’s intentions for the relationship.  Women who are serial daters* might suggest going dutch to avoid the implication that they are just dating for free food and entertainment.  But this won’t be what the guy thinks.  He’ll think he’s with one of those “modern chicks” and allow her to pay her share to avoid offending her.  The girl is wondering why he would accept her offer to go dutch unless he wasn’t really into her.  Whatever relationship they thought they had was dead on arrival at this point.  The offer to go dutch can also be a woman’s way of saying that she doesn’t want to owe him anything.  But how is the guy suppose to know this?  Like I said, it leaves nothing but confusion.

This is why I always paid, even when dating in America.  There’s nothing to be confused about in terms of the relationship.  The girl knows my interest because I wouldn’t be paying for her if I wasn’t.  Plus it’s always fun to listen with amusement her rants about the glass ceiling and how women make $0.71 for every dollar a man makes only to have me cover everything.  But then again, I doubt a lot of American women pick up on that irony.

This is one of the good things about Russia.  The RW let men be men.  This doesn’t mean that the date needs to be expensive and extravagant.  When you’re meeting for the first time, it’s best to keep it simple.  Make sure it’s a location or activity that you feel comfortable paying.  Another good thing about RW is they let the man decide where the date is.  This was a big relief to me, because I’ve grown accustomed to treating the first few dates in America like a hostage negotiation.  The AW like to shoot down dating ideas or subtly change the plans you make.  One barely starts out on the date before he even wonders why he bothers.

The dating culture in Russia is a lot simpler and a lot more enjoyable.

*The term serial dater refers to women who date frequently without the intention of making a serious commitment.  A serial dater isn’t necessarily focused on having sex, although it could happen. They’re just out to have fun and hope an available man can defray some of her food and entertainment expenses.

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