Monthly Archives: January 2014

British Expats Chime In About American Women

British men are having to cope with British women indoctrinated by feminism in the dating market just as much as any other western man in his own country.  So when the Seattle Times wrote an article about the opinions some British expats living in America have about American women, it makes me take notice and wonder if the American woman is simply a problem for the American man or do men of other countries share the same opinion.

It turns out that the Brits don’t like American women much either.  And that’s saying a lot because they know British women so their standards shouldn’t have been that high to begin with, and I’ve seen British men kill in America’s dating market.  Their accent really gets our ladies weak in the knees (the cockney accent notwithstanding).  My youngest aunt even married a British guy and seem to be living happily ever after.

Of course, it’s the guy’s fault, right?  Gwyneth Paltrow was quoted:

British men appear scared to ask me out

You don’t say?  At around the time this article was published, Paltrow’s star was rising rapidly.  She had just won an Academy Award for best actress for her role in Shakespeare in Love, she was recently engaged to Brad Pitt and had a relationship with Ben Affleck.  Within a year after this quote, she would be married to the lead singer of Coldplay and push out two kids named Apple and Moses.  “Scared” wouldn’t be the right word for it.  More like the Brits knew a long shot when they saw one and didn’t bother.  Paltrow wasn’t an unknown.  She had the stench of celebrity and could pull A-list celebrity men herself so why make a fool of yourself trying to ask this American woman out?  If you think this isn’t really relevant when talking about most women, I beg to differ.  The American woman thinks she is already a celebrity due to the attention she gets in public, and when social media surged onto the scene, this attitude became even worse.

But don’t expect women to own up to the problem.  Feminism was all about creating a narrative in which all the evils of the world and denied opportunities to women were due to male agency and they’re not about to abandon that narrative now after it has accomplished so much on their behalf.  Another article from the Spectator claims to know why the Brits don’t seem to put up with the modern woman:

a) Many went to boarding school at an early age, thus forfeiting essential affection from their mothers, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy with women.

b) Many drink too much, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy with women.

c) They are repressed homosexuals.

d) They simply don’t like women.

I’ve long stopped being amused by women’s massed delusions about men in this country and I’m not alone.  James Brown, a London magazine editor says,

American Women. You can only spend so long with one before you crack. They’re out there, they’re loud, they’re bitter and they’re kooky. After a while all the things that attracted you to them: confidence, conversation, nice teeth, begin to bug you. You think you’ve got Black Beauty and you end up with Mr. Ed.

This is a blunt way of saying that many AW are all flash and no substance.  We think they are pretty hot until they open their mouths in the spirit of “being assertive” or “empowered”.  None of these qualities appeal to men.

Martin has had a different experience:

One of the first questions is always: “What car do I drive?” Martin says. “If I have the latest BMW or drive a Chevy, does it make a difference? And they want to know what apartment you live in. Do you live in Bellevue, because if you tell them you live in Everett, they don’t want to know you.”

This reminds me of that scene from Swingers when a guy tries to approach a woman at a party and the first question she asks is what he drives.  After replying he drives a Cavalier, she turns away in disgust without saying a word.  I can’t say that I’ve had this happen to me in the dating scene in the US – not so overtly anyway.  But I do get asked a lot about what I do.  I learned very quickly that being a chemist doesn’t really get a woman’s heart racing.  A generation ago, this type of job would have commanded respect and I would have had everyone from a girl’s parents to the friends in her sewing circle advocating for me.

On the other hand, Steve describes an experience that I can corroborate:

 American women reserve the right to date a whole bunch of guys at the same time.

That’s a bingo!  It was often difficult for me to get traction with many AW because they always had several men in rotation and felt no need to make a commitment or devote any time to me.  I either had to tolerate the present state of affairs, make an expensive gesture and hope I don’t get into a bidding war with the other guys, or simply leave.  I often chose to leave while the woman and her friends were most likely assuring her that if I was “the one” I would have been completely devoted and wouldn’t have left.  But seeing a woman ride the cock carousel doesn’t inspire me to get to know her any better, nor do I imagine my future wife or mother of my children with such a woman.

Then there’s Oliver’s experience with AW:

It was like being with a nasty bank manager, rather than someone with whom you hope to sleep. … American girls are possibly the most wound-up people on the planet. They don’t believe in laughing: Instead, they would go to ‘laugh class’ to find out how, then solemnly say it had changed their life.

For all the AW or British women who wonder what happened to romance and why chivalry is dead, this passage is very telling.  I can’t think of a faster way to suck romance out of the relationship than when a woman treats it like a financial transaction.

Is this getting through to anybody yet?  It can’t just be the problem of a few lonely men when the British men find that AW are even worse than British women!  The only thing that surprises me is why there aren’t more American men looking overseas.

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The Beta Male Conundrum

The best times to be a beta male in the USA was probably beginning in the late 19th century (post Civil War) until the counter-culture shift in the 1960’s.  This was the period in American history when the provisioning and production characteristics of beta males were actively rewarded and encouraged while assuming considerably little risk.

To explain a little bit about what I mean, social scientists and evolutionary psychologists often assign an alpha or beta label to males within social groups of animals.  The alpha label tends to be assigned to the group’s leader. Whether we are talking about dogs, apes or humans, the alpha is the de facto leader; wherever he leads, the rest of the pack follows.  By virtue of his position he usually has a privileged lifestyle.  Among many privileges, he gets to eat first and mates with the most desirable females.

The beta male is often regarded as the second in command.  They also end up doing most of the provisioning and defense for their social group.  In the case of humans they even build and invent things. They may not be the top alpha, but they often get many privileges and rights in the group including food and mating with some of the females that the alpha may not want.

These categories are idealistic definitions.  In reality, most men often have alpha and beta characteristics in varying proportions that end up placing themselves on a spectrum that ranges between extreme alphas and extreme betas.  Some social science literature assign subcategories such as greater betas or lesser alphas to reflect this variability of traits among males.  They even assign the omega label to some males who don’t seem to have the right stuff and are virtually outcasts in their social group.  One may wonder if omega males are even useless.

The reason the USA of the late 19th century to the 1960’s was such a good time to be a beta male was because such a man was often accomplished enough to obtain some rights and privileges in society, including a certain degree of choice among women to date and marry.  Even beta males that marry were looked upon favorably if he was able to provide for and raise a strong and healthy family with well behaved children.  They were considered model citizens and pillars of the community.  Certainly, things were a lot better for the alpha males.  They got even better privileges and an even better choice of women to date and marry.  But there was a social contract in place that would guaranteed rewards for the beta males that contributed for the good of his social group.  The best part was there there was relatively low risk.  Technological and economic development had advanced to such a level in this country that a beta male can achieve this without an overt risk to his life.  He didn’t have to scramble out in the wild to fight indians, prospect for gold of build a farm and risk maiming himself or dying to have a chance at the American dream.

Let’s fast forward in time to the present day and ask ourselves what the beta male in America is getting now?  All the potential masculine jobs for him have started to get shipped overseas in the 1960’s so that he must either enter a service based industry that is more conducive to women or acquire an advanced degree in order to be considered more respected and attractive than a yeast infection.  And this just makes him dateable to a smaller and smaller pool of women since women, in the guise of feminism have pushed for larger and larger wages and salaries that are in direct competition with men.

No, having a degree and a steady job that can be terminated and shipped overseas at a moments notice only makes the beta male dateable.  There’s no guarantee that he’ll even get married and have his own children to continue his legacy because women are under no pressure from society to marry.  This won’t mean that they’ll stop having sex or having babies.  They just do it with alpha males and call it female empowerment.

If, by some chance, the hapless beta male manages to snag an American entitlement princess for the “honor” of putting a ring on it, he’s got a whole other world of marital strife to look forward too.  His American wife will likely gain weight and stop having sex with him and to add insult to injury, can divorce him on a moments notice taking half of all marital assets, alimony and child support.

Is there any social justice for our beta male?  Where is his respect?  Where is his reward?

This is particularly insufferable for the beta males that were born to parents of the counter culture movement in the 1960’s.  These parents were still preaching to their beta tykes the importance of hard work and staying out of trouble and what rewards can be expected if they do so, only to come of age in a period of time in American history where good paying jobs could be scarce and the most desirable women end up spreading their legs for an outlaw biker and bear his children to be raised on the public teat. It’s enough to make one want to quit the game altogether.  And hence his conundrum.  What does a beta male need to do to get some respect around here?

Women in Russia and the FSU still respect beta males and their abilities to provide and support a family.  This isn’t to say that RW are so much different than their American counterparts, but the FSU doesn’t have the economic and political stability that the USA does.  So RW, more than their American counterparts, must select their mates according to more realistic and survival-oriented criteria.  This is where a beta male from the US can do well by fulfilling this criteria.  Searching for a RW overseas could be the answer to the Beta Male Conundrum.

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First Visit? Meet your RW in her city!

Having been involved in the pursuit of a Russian bride for several years, I’m convinced that a man should be meeting his wife-to-be in her home city for his first trip to meet her.  This is especially true for a man that’s just starting to date abroad.

Fat Yuri is easy enough to spot and neutralize before he ever gets a chance to dupe you into sending him money.  Ironically, he seems to be the person that bride seekers obsess the most about on the internet and try to develop all sorts of countermeasures against him, only to be vulnerable to a real RW that isn’t interested in marriage to a foreigner or even moving out of her country, and takes a man for almost everything he has.

The thing to remember is that it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that free gifts, shopping sprees and trips to exotic locations on one man’s dime are only one personal ad away.  And chances are these disingenuous RW have known other RW who have done this or heard about it.  So be careful.  Your fishing in a sea infested with sharks.

You aren’t going to be able to tell the real genuine RW apart from the mercenaries that I’ve just described.  They are both real women, they write and say the same thing in their profiles and letters, they’ll act the same way on webcam and they may even kiss you and sleep with you when you meet them.  Heck, these mercenaries have even convinced themselves that they are serious and will fall in love with the right person, but in reality her standards are unrealistically high and there will always be a reason or rationalization why you aren’t the one.  And hence, she repeats the cycle with the next sucker.

The best advice I can give you is to visit your favorite girl or girls in their home cities.  This should screen out most of the girls that aren’t serious.  A RW of a serious mindset will not mind where you meet her.  If she likes you and wants to take the relationship to the next level with you she’ll want to introduce you to her family and close friends, so meeting her in her home city makes this convenient.

The mercenary, on the other hand, wants a trip somewhere exotic, with gifts, champagne and accommodation, all on your dime.  She’s concerned about her reputation back home and won’t want to be seen by people who know her and see her serial dating western suitors on a monthly or weekly basis.  That tends to damage her reputation.  Flying out on holiday gives her more secrecy and plausible deniability.  If she or her friends have experience with executing this scam, they’ll give you all sorts of rational sounding reasons why meeting in a different city is the best idea.  She’ll suggest that meeting in Paris would be a nice midway point between your two home cities and would make the trip more romantic.  She’ll say that there isn’t much to do in her city and it’s very dirty and not very safe and would be embarrassed for you to see how she lives.  She’ll tell you anything to get you to agree to fly her to a city that she wants to go to.  She may even dangle the prospect of having sex with you if you would only be her man and make her happy.

You must hold the line!  Do not budge! So I strongly advise visiting your RW in her city for your first visit.  I understand that for Americans, this can be difficult if she doesn’t live in the top tier cities in the FSU (ie: Kiev, Moscow and St Petersburg).  This would mean more hours of flight time and more connections taking up more valuable time that you don’t have a lot of, but you must visit her in her home city first!  It is worth it in the long run.

She’ll keep insisting but you must resist.  Unfortunately, you can’t call her out as a scammer if she doesn’t back down.  You risk offending a genuine RW  and it’s not like a scammer would admit to trying to pull a fast one on you anyways.  So don’t try and trap her and accuse her of anything.  It won’t work.  But what you can do is explain that you wouldn’t keep corresponding with her if you weren’t willing to visit her in her city or that your feelings should grow with the safety and support of her family nearby.  Or feel free to come up with some other logical or diplomatic sounding reason that meshes well with your circumstances.  A genuine RW will be impressed with your firmness and decisiveness.  This is how real men act so you shouldn’t be afraid of losing her if you don’t bow to her suggestions.  It’s only the mercenaries that you risk offending with your insistence and it’s best you find out now before you waste your time and money.

If you and your RW hit it off, then by all means, travel the world together.  But the first visit should be in her home city!

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How Much For A Russian Wife?

Many romantically disenfranchised men in the US that consider seeking love globally are tired of tossing money down the sewer that is America’s dating market and getting nowhere with American women.  They consider a change in venue and look to other countries such as Russia and the FSU for love and marriage prospects.  But is doing so really cheaper than dating in the US?  How much does it cost to find a Russian wife anyways?

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Well how much you got? Seriously. The cost might be more than you think.  You can find many foreign marriage agencies and dating sites online, like what you’re used to seeing in the US, but that’s where the similarities end.  You don’t get to meet the women at a coffee shop on the way home from work.  You actually have to travel and visit her country.  When you do decide to marry her and she is willing to marry you, you need to bring her to your country where she can’t work and barely knows the language and customs so it will cost you even more money to get her on her feet and support her.

The thing is that most failures of American men finding foreign wives for marriage can be traced to money issues.  They jumped into the foreign dating market without considering how much it would cost them and they ended being a bunch of keyboard romeos and never making their first trip, or they wash out after the first couple of trips when they run out of money.  They thought it would be easy and cheap.  Both give us Americans a bad impression among foreign women of wasting their time and not being decisive or not being real men.  So for the benefit of yourself and the rest of us American men who are willing to take the plunge, think carefully about whether or not you can afford this.

So how much does it cost?  Your mileage may vary depending on how wise you make your choices and where she lives.  Would $50,000 be too much for you?  How about $100,000?  Seriously!  You might want to rethink your decision if this is too much because these prices aren’t so unusual.  You might want to consider how your dating life in America has gone.  Were you able to take her to good restaurants and trips without breaking open your piggy bank?  Were you resentful of your American relationships ending due to how much money you blew on her?  If yes, then this adventure isn’t for you because you won’t have the stomach for it.  If you have no experience to know for sure than you simply don’t know what you’re doing which would be even worse for you.

But still, most men like to deal in hard numbers before they make big decisions like buying a home, buying a car or getting married to a Russian woman.  So I’ll try and give you some more perspective.  You don’t necessarily have to have $50,000-$100,000 sitting in the bank, nor do you have to raid your IRA, but you do need significant amounts of discretionary income.  This means, after you meet all your financial obligations (bills, taxes, mortgage, car payments, child support, etc), you still have a pile of money left over to use as you desire.  You are not living from paycheck to paycheck.

It’s difficult to say how much you need to earn annually to justify making a trip to the FSU to find a wife since a man making $100,000/yr may be drowning in debt while a man making considerably less while effectively being debt-free may be in a better position to make this trip.  But most assuredly you need to be making more than the median income (currently $52,000/yr in the USA) and that would be the bare-bones minimum because this tends to reflect a few realities of your situation besides money.  First, it tends to mean that you own a decent enough home.  Don’t forget that a foreign woman, and possibly her children, are going to live with you so you’ll need the space.  Second, this tends to mean that you are on a solid career path with decent benefits beyond entry level and heading towards a higher position or greater seniority that will result in increased income in the future which will help insure your success in this endeavor.  Third, at this level of income, you will likely have enough vacation time for return visits to maintain and develop a long distance relationship with RW that you connect with on your first visit.  This means about 3-4 weeks paid vacation or time off at a bare minimum.

Let’s break costs down a little further for clarity.  Just to get to the FSU will require $800-$2000 depending on where you live in the US (a big country) and where the girl(s) you want to visit live in Russia (another big country).  That’s the price of round-trip airfare.  Apartment rental for 7-9 days in the FSU range from $80-$300/night depending on location and amenities. So that expense will vary from $560-$2700.  So you can be in quite deep financially just to get to the FSU and you haven’t even started dating yet!  For meals, dates, flowers and activities, I’ve found that a daily expense of $200 seems about right on average but your mileage may vary.  But for now, let’s go with this number (total daily expense $1,400-$1,800).  If you’re not the seasoned traveler, you’ll also have to make sure you buy things like luggage, power converters, cameras, etc. but the good news is that you would only need to buy these for your first trip if nothing gets stolen.

Everything I’ve outlined in the previous paragraph is for just one trip in one city.  If you’re visiting multiple girls in multiple cities, consider these expenses a bare minimum. American visa requirements, mandate that you need to meet your RW at least once in person within the past year to apply for a fiancee or spouse visa, but only visiting once before marriage is risky because you don’t know each other very well and if you divorce under American law it will be even more costly for you.  Multiple visits are recommended to minimize this risk and unless you can visit her every three or four months, the long-distance relationship that you’re going to maintain simply won’t work because there will be too much time between visits to grow and stay connected romantically. So multiply all the expenses above for one trip by three or four and this is about how much disposable income you need per year ($8,280-$26,000/yr).  As you can see, it can vary quite a bit and that’s assuming you connect with a girl within your first couple of trips.  If you break up and need to start over, you can see how your total expenses can easily surpass $50,000 and even reach $100,000.

Can you swing this?  Or are you in sticker shock?  Or perhaps you find dating in America to be cheaper after all, even if it isn’t as fulfilling? Only you can answer this and there’s no shame in admitting that you can’t swing this for now.  You might be able to in the near future if you make responsible life choices now.  It should be obvious by now that, at a minimum, you need a degree, a good trade or be successfully self-employed and be in the workforce for at least 8-10 years to have the annual income and accrued vacation time to pursue a Russian wife.  If you don’t have this yet, then stay the course and let a beautiful Russian wife be the motivation that keeps you on the path of success!

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