Part of the reason why it is so difficult for an American man to date and find love in America comes down to demographics. There are simply more men than women in America in the age ranges that matter to them. I’ve written before about how male dominance in French held colonies in the New World resulted in Louis XIV recruiting single young women known as the King’s Daughters to be sent to marry male colonists to create families and a population boom that would strengthen French holdings in the colonies.
Today, we face a similar crisis, but no government agency is going to step in and help us. For one thing, feminism controls and exercises disproportionate influence in government and the media, so this problem won’t be discussed to any significant extent. Fortunately, men have more social mobility than ever and it’s not a big undertaking to travel abroad to date or look for a wife.
All the single men
To get an idea of the extent of the problem here’s an infographic of gender ratios in major cities in the United States (found here).
The data for the infographic draws from US census data and plots excess men and women by city in the US. Only cities with a population of over 250,000 are represented. Singles are considered to be people who are not married, divorced (but not separated) and widowed. However, I’m not sure how many of these people are dating or cohabitating and still marking themselves as single on the census questionnaire. You can find our more about the methodology by visiting the website but this will be good enough for our discussion.
The 18-64 age range is much too broad for us to consider because, realistically, how many men are chasing 64 year old women? Not many I’d think. Let’s look at the age ranges of women that men would be interested in. The infographic has a slider bar where you can look at different age ranges.
Women at the 20-34 age range are at their peak sexual appeal, desirability and fertility. These are the women that men tend to chase regardless of how old the man is. Actually, the 30’s are pushing things a little. Fertility and appearance begin to wane in women once they enter their 30’s. There may be a few exceptions made for women that take care of themselves and managed to remain childless but it’s largely irrelevant considering how many surplus men there are in the major US cities. There are a few small bastions of surplus women in a couple of southern cities, but for the most part, it’s a sausage fest in the “land of opportunity”.
The depressing thing is that this map understates things a great deal. Consider the obesity rating among women, how many of them are single mothers, and how many are lesbians. The pickings are slim, indeed. An American man has to cross an ocean to have a realistic chance of scoring an attractive woman in her prime age range. Otherwise, he’s just hoping he gets lucky in the US.
My experience in the field
I divorced when I was 30 and tried to get into the dating scene about six months later. This included going to events, speed dating, internet dating and spending thousands of dollars on singles clubs in the US. I sought single or divorced women without children in the 25-35 age range. Not only was this age range very close to mine, but I figured that a woman’s biological clock would be ticking and she would make man hunting a priority. I just got a new higher paying job when I started dating. I didn’t own alimony or child support to my ex-wife. I rated somewhere between a 5-7 on a scale of 1-10 on Hot or Not depending on what photo I posted for ratings. I am tall and was within a normal weight range, but if you wanted to get picky, I may have carried a few extra pounds that I didn’t need. I had my own home and car. Needless to say, I felt that I was a good catch and my confidence was high.
But there were no words to describe how frustrated I was. Nothing was happening. Nothing! I was even trying some game principles at one point and hiring a marketing professional to write my profile. I logged into my dating profiles to find empty mailboxes while letters and other expressions of interest sent by me were being ignored and deleted without being read. Nobody picked me after speed dates either. Women in other venues were okay. Sometimes I’d get numbers only to be screened by voicemail. They’d never call back.
This graph gives a good reason why.
Not only is it a sausage fest, but 25-35 is the worst possible age range to be dating in if your a man living in the US. Look at how large those blue dots are compared to the other age ranges! You can play around with the interactive map at the website to see for yourself. There’s simply too many men chasing after two few women. This age range also has a lot of bitter and jaded women. Any women in this age range that has any appeal has likely been through a divorce or being played in the dating scene when she was younger. So I had to cope with bad attitudes or a reserved defensive posture among the women that I did meet.
What do the women say?
Listening to too many women about relationships when I was younger is what contributed to my lack of success. I was trying to take them at their word but they really don’t know what they’re talking about.
Or they say asinine things like this:
Where have the men gone? Look at the gender ratios across the US. Men are everywhere!
In womanspeak, Hymowitz is actually asking, “Where are all the men that women want to date?”
“Want to date” is the key word here because some women actually notice the gender imbalance that should work in their favor but they respond to this by being picky (ie: unrealistic expectations). It strikes me as a self-defeating strategy as they spiral to the abyss of spinsterhood. Fortunately, men still have options abroad.