The American woman who I married was not the first woman I fell in love with, nor the first girl I ever had sex with. Those might be stories for another post.
She was my college sweetheart. We lived in a coed dormitory on the same floor and didn’t immediately connect. I found her to be a bit of a plain Jane and she found me to be obnoxious so there wasn’t a lot of initial chemistry. I was never too successful with women in my younger years. I had no game and my looks weren’t helping me much. I had no status and never owned my own car in high school. I wouldn’t realize until later that these were critical times in my development in how I would relate to women. Unfortunately, I had no role models to show me how it was done nor did I have any solid or usable advice. The internet didn’t exist yet so I had no idea about game or pick-up artists. I was indoctrinated by main stream media that preached that I should be nice, be myself and treat women like equals. It obviously ended in disaster. I made more (girl) friends than girlfriends. Many men will know what that’s like: being so sexually attracted to a girl that you are willing to do anything in the hope to be her boyfriend while realizing that you could pluck a feather from a griffin before you even get a full lip kiss from her. She was willing to kiss and even have sex with other boys, just not with you. For a boy that’s having a sexual awakening from the concoction of hormones surging through his veins, this was hell on Earth!
But some time between those dark ages of high school and when I met my first wife as a senior in college, I at least learned to manage my expectations and realize that whatever relationships I did have with women often started slowly without a lot of initial chemistry, but grew into something meaningful. I also learned that the more sexually attracted I was to a woman, the least likely I was going to be with her in any romantic sense. So that ruled out women that ranked and 8 – 10 on the looks scale for sure; perhaps even 6’s and 7’s. So despite no initial attraction between me and my plain Jane, we had enough contact with each other that things progressed romantically over a couple of semesters. I graduated and started working while she finished her degree. When she graduated, we married in a small, humble outdoor wedding with close family and friends.
Many people will say that we fell in love with each other because we took things slow and didn’t try so hard. We allowed things to happen spontaneously. I wanted to believe that but it was nonsense. Only woman believe that garbage! According the women, romance and love is spontaneous. It only appears that way because she is being pursued. The romantic interest is incoming. So it doesn’t matter if she meets a guy at church, a nightclub or a train station. It will always appear spontaneous or preordained. You know why? Because her male love interest is doing all the heavy lifting! I’m sure you here all the clichés about men going back to seed after he marries. It’s because he’s tired! He’s chased a woman for a very long time. The more attractive and hotter she is, the more he had to chase. It’s exhausting.
The fact that remained was that both of us had a similar value on the dating market and knew on some level that we couldn’t obtain better and we certainly didn’t want to do worse. Generally speaking, on the looks scale, 10’s end up with other 10’s, 5’s with 5’s and 2’s with 2’s. This doesn’t mean that we weren’t in love at the time. We were. She was very kind to me, genuinely appreciative of what I did, and she was a virgin when we met. So I never felt judged by her and I felt like I was somebody special. This was a very sharp contrast to the dating culture I experienced up until this point. So if you are a woman reading this and want to know how you can attract a good man to marry you before he decides to try his luck overseas or tries being an asshole, simply be nice to him. Men get treated like shit on the dating market while they watch callous jerks get more tail than they can handle. Being nice will take his breath away and he’ll respect you for it. Such an attitude from a woman compelled me to overlook her plain features and few extra pounds and be seduced by her good and generous nature.
My first wife and I were idealistic in our love and thought that it would overcome all odds. It didn’t. Love isn’t enough because with nothing to sustain it, you will fall out of love. I had issues with her over time. I never expected a maid, but she was terrible with housework and was a slob. I was interested in having kids but she changed her mind. She stopped having sex and was gaining weight. We discovered that we had different goals and philosophies in life and when we made an effort to reconcile them, it would make one of us unhappy. We endured this aggravation for the better part of five and a half years until I realized that we would probably be our happiest with different people and we should divorce now before we become bitter with each other. I filed for divorce under irreconcilable differences and had a drama-free divorce process.
I learned a lot from my first marriage and I think I’m in a good mental state to give another marriage a try, this time to a woman from the former Soviet Union (FSU). I wasn’t perfect in my marriage. I did a lot of soul-searching to discover what I could have done differently. Men who start this journey–and it is a very long journey– should really do some soul-searching before they decide to go any further. I wrote about my issues with my first wife but my marriage’s failure was still my fault. I was the man, I should have done things differently, I should have made better decisions. If you are a divorced man thinking of finding a wife in the FSU you need to realize something: It was your fault. I don’t care if you married the biggest bitch on the planet. You decided to marry her! Why? She never cared about what was important to you? It’s still your fault! She cheated on you with a goat farmer? Your fault! I’m not trying to be cruel, you need this emotional catharsis. I’ve been to the FSU several times with many high hopes and dreams and had many disappointments. I learned enough so far to know that you won’t be successful in your search for a FSU bride without getting your head straight and knowing exactly what went wrong in your previous relationships.